{"id":234,"date":"2026-07-29T11:02:55","date_gmt":"2026-07-29T17:02:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/?p=234"},"modified":"2026-10-21T17:02:08","modified_gmt":"2026-10-21T23:02:08","slug":"behind-the-curtain-part-6-the-day-of-the-event","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/hight-protocol\/behind-the-curtain-part-6-the-day-of-the-event\/","title":{"rendered":"Behind The Curtain Part 6: The Day Of The Event"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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<\/a>Act I: Arrival and Set-up<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The day before the event has finally arrived.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have spent most of the week printing workbooks. Each workbook is about 45 pages long, so I know I’ve printed well over 500 pages this week between the workbooks, individual menu cards for each place setting, place cards, detailed schedules for Knight of Xanadu, the chef, and myself, my majordomo notebook, and countless other documents. Had the event sold out, it would have been closer to 1,000 pages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today was spent printing a few last-minute items, gathering supplies, and going over every detail to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. Of course, as luck would have it, I know I’ve forgotten something. That’s just Murphy’s Law. No matter how much you plan and prepare, there will always be one thing that slips through the cracks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tonight, before we go to bed, we’ll begin loading the car. I need to remember the projector, the screen, and the laptop. It’s already bedtime, but my mind refuses to turn off. Instead, it continues sorting through tomorrow’s details, checking and rechecking mental lists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite the nerves, I’m looking forward to meeting new people and making everyone feel welcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I mentioned in a previous article, etiquette isn’t about rules. It is the art of making other people feel respected and at ease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I write those words, I’m reminded of a High Protocol event we attended some time ago. The host was trying to be gracious and welcoming by making Knight of Xanadu the guest of honor. It was a thoughtful gesture, especially since we had never attended one of their events before and we didn’t know anyone there. I had volunteered to serve during the event, so we were both looking forward to experiencing someone else’s approach to High Protocol.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where etiquette unintentionally failed was when Knight of Xanadu was asked not only to be the guest of honor but also to act as the host.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Master running the event was attempting to honor Knight of Xanadu because of the work we do. The intention was kind. The challenge was that it wasn’t our house, wasn\u2019t our event, nor was it our training.  We walked into the experience completely unprepared for the role we were being asked to fill.  We didn’t know how their household operated, how their service flowed, who knew what responsibilities, or how the courses would be presented.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being a guest of honor at a High Protocol event is one thing, and it is certainly an honor. Being asked to host an event when you know nothing about the house, the customs, or the expectations is something entirely different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It placed Knight of Xanadu in an uncomfortable position because a host is responsible for directing the entire experience, and it’s difficult to do that when you’ve never experienced the house’s customs yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My experience as a server that evening was equally different from the events we create.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The server training lasted about thirty minutes before the event began, and that was essentially the extent of it. I remember feeling uncomfortable because there was very little structure or guidance. At the same time, it wasn’t my place to step in and take over. So, I spent much of my time waiting for direction that never really came and trying to stay out of the way of the person who was in charge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That experience taught us something important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not everything has to be done the way we do it, and there were elements we genuinely enjoyed. In fact, some of those ideas made such an impression on us that we later incorporated them into Starry Night in Paris.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every event teaches you something if you’re willing to learn from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast forward to the morning of the event.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s about 7:30 a.m., and if I did my job correctly, the menus, workbooks, place cards, and countless other supplies are packed and ready to go. The dishes and flatware have been washed, sanitized, packed, and prepared for transport. Everything should be ready to load.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Should be.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is always that lingering question in the back of my mind asking whether I’ve forgotten something important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we begin loading the car, a brief moment of panic sets in when we can’t find the projector. For a few minutes, I am convinced we left it behind in Florida after teaching at Beyond Leather. Fortunately, after a thorough search, it turns up, and my blood pressure immediately begins returning to normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally, everything is loaded, checked, and ready to go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before long, we are on our way to the venue, ready for a day of meeting new people, making connections, and creating unforgettable memories.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before I close the back of the car, I pause for a moment and look at everything we have spent months preparing. The workbooks are printed. The menus are finished. The supplies are packed. The details have been attended to. Months of planning, organizing, budgeting, teaching, and preparation are finally beginning to come together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We arrive at the venue around 9:15 a.m., about fifteen minutes before the first attendees are scheduled to arrive. As we pull in, however, some attendees are already there waiting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without hesitation, everyone begins helping unload.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knight of Xanadu starts setting up the projector and screen while I begin organizing materials, arranging workbooks, and preparing the room for the day ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Soon the rest of the attendees begin arriving, many of them right on time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those first fifteen to thirty minutes are intentionally unstructured. They allow people to meet one another, settle in, and begin building connections before the training officially begins. Some attendees arrive knowing several people in the room. Others arrive knowing absolutely no one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the time we start, those nervous introductions have usually turned into conversations, and strangers have already begun becoming friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We begin a few minutes before 10:00 a.m., and as always, my nerves start to kick in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After all these years of teaching, after all the classes, workshops, presentations, and intensives, I still get nervous at the beginning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part of it is excitement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part of it is responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People have invested their time, their trust, and their money to be here. They are giving us an entire day of their lives, and I want every single minute to be worthwhile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I take a deep breath, look around the room, smile, and begin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Photo from November 2025 Orchestrated Elegance 1-day Intensive<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/a><\/a><\/a>Act II: The Workshop Begins<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The people are engaged, asking questions, and sharing their stories. I love that. Before I realize it, it’s time for lunch. Modules 1 through 5 are complete, and after we order our food, I finish teaching Modules 6 and 7.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lunch wraps up around 1:30, and it is time to separate into our two groups. Knight of Xanadu meets with the left side of the slash, while the right side moves into practicum training with me. This is where theory becomes practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The butler sticks come out, and suddenly the magic begins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    (Photo from A Starry Night in Paris)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Over the next two hours, the tablescape starts to unfold. We put the finishing touches on the table, complete the napkin folds, rehearse service sequences, and refine the details. As we continue our work, questions are asked, skills are practiced, and confidence begins to grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The table looks incredible, and I am so proud of everyone involved. Together, they have created something truly magical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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This is usually the point where I remind everyone that we’ve covered a tremendous amount of information in a very short period of time. The goal isn’t to memorize everything we’ve learned today. The goal is to take a few of these concepts and practice them over and over again until they become part of you\u2014until they move beyond knowledge and into embodiment.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perfection tonight is not a requirement.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having fun, learning, and enjoying yourself is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because at the end of the day, High Protocol isn’t about getting every detail right. It’s about being intentional, present, and willing to grow. The skills will come with practice. Confidence comes with experience. What matters most is taking that first step and allowing yourself to enjoy the journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somewhere during those afternoon hours, I pause for a moment and simply watch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I watch people who arrived nervous begin to relax.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I watch a bunch of strangers put their differences aside and work together to create something magical, and then I watch strangers become friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I watch attendees discover they are capable of far more than they imagined when they first walked through the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those are the moments that make all the printing, planning, budgeting, and sleepless nights worthwhile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because the true success of a High Protocol event isn’t measured by how perfect the table setting is or whether every detail unfolds exactly as planned. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Success is measured by the people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s measured by the confidence they gain, the connections they build, and the memories they carry home with them long after the final course has been served.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The workshop may be ending, but the day is far from over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The knowledge has been shared. The skills have been practiced. The foundation has been laid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Act III, the classroom disappears, the candles are lit, outfits replace notebooks, and months of preparation are finally put to the test as the evening experience begins.<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/a>Act III: Preparing for Dinner<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Before we know it, the afternoon has quietly slipped away, and it’s time to prepare for the evening ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The classroom begins to transform into something entirely different. Whiteboards give way to candlelight, notebooks are replaced with polished flatware, and the atmosphere shifts from education to experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Attendees head off to change into their dinner attire. The service team reviews final details. Outfits for both sides of the slash are adjusted, and last-minute questions are answered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What had been a training environment only hours earlier is now becoming a High Protocol dining experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is one of my favorite moments of the day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s time to breathe.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After everyone leaves to get ready, Knight of Xanadu is waiting for me in the car. Before I leave to prepare myself, I take one last look at the room.                                                                     <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I slowly walk around the table, taking everything in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The place settings are complete.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The menus are in place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The napkins are folded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The candles are ready.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I stand there for a moment, admiring what the right side of the slash has created. Throughout the day, they practiced service, rehearsed sequences, learned new skills, and worked together to build something beautiful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then I close the door behind me and hand the chef the evening’s schedule, reiterating the importance that this is a High Protocol event, not just another formal dinner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every plate that leaves the kitchen must be identical. If we were serving peas\u2014and we aren’t\u2014then if one plate has twenty-five peas, every plate should have twenty-five peas. Consistency matters. Precision matters. Every guest deserves the same experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before leaving for the evening, I take one final peek into the room. The candles are ready. The tables are set. Everything is in place.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then I head to the car to prepare for the night ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The curtain is about to rise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/a><\/a><\/a>Act IV: The Curtain Rises<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Earlier, I hadn’t let Knight of Xanadu see the dining room before we left to get dressed. I wanted him to experience it exactly as our guests would for the very first time. After months of planning, countless decisions, and endless preparation, this was the moment when the vision would finally become reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knight of Xanadu and I greeted our guests as they arrived, and soon everyone had gathered in the cocktail room. While they visited with one another, I quietly slipped away to prepare the ap\u00e9ritif service.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The servers lined up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They took their positions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One final glance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One final breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then we began.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is where the magic starts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In that moment, I knew the room had become everything we had hoped it would be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For some, this was also where the transformation began.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the highlights of my evening was witnessing a participant overcome her fear and anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she arrived for the evening, she was incredibly nervous. When it came time to serve her Dominant the ap\u00e9ritif, her hands were shaking so badly that she simply couldn’t do it.  Without hesitation, another submissive quietly stepped in and completed the service for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I checked on her immediately afterward, she was terrified she would drop a glass or make a mistake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I smiled and told her that if dropping a glass was the worst thing that happened all evening, then we were going to have a wonderful night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We hugged, and I reminded her that this experience wasn’t about perfection. It was about honoring those we serve, learning new skills, and finding joy in the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The hors d’oeuvres began circulating through the cocktail room as guests continued to mingle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then came one of my favorite moments of every High Protocol event.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The doors to the dining room opened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knight of Xanadu and the other Dominants entered the room for the very first time. As they found their seats, I watched their expressions as they took in the candlelight, the carefully arranged table, the music, and the atmosphere that so many hands had worked so hard to create.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those first reactions make every late night, every spreadsheet, every budget meeting, and every challenge worthwhile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The curtain had truly risen.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As everyone settled into their places, we began preparing to serve the first course.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, this is where I made my own mistake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We started service a little too soon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I became focused on the schedule instead of the signals and forgot to wait for the cue to begin serving the first course. The napkins and menus were still resting on the chargers when we entered the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oops.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even after all these years, I still make mistakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is one of the lessons I try to teach throughout the day. Protocol is not about perfection. It is about intention, grace, and knowing how to recover when something doesn’t go exactly as planned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Later in the evening, when one of the Dominants needed more water, I gave our nervous participant a choice. She could either do the service herself or allow someone else to step in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This time she chose to do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her hand still shook a little.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But she walked into that room with her head held high and completed the service beautifully.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In that moment, I couldn’t have been more proud of her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is something incredibly powerful about witnessing someone move through fear and discover they are capable of more than they believed. As much as I would love to take credit for that moment, I cannot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That accomplishment belonged entirely to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She did the hard part.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She was amazing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before we knew it, the evening had come to an end. Around 10:00 p.m., everyone gathered in front of the fireplace for a group photograph.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The smiles on everyone’s faces said everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It had been an incredible night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dominants embraced their submissives and thanked them for their service. You could see the pride on the faces of the right side of the slash, but what struck me most was the pride on the faces of the left side of the slash as they looked at their people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Everyone had played a role.     <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone had contributed to the experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone had shown up, stepped outside their comfort zone, and helped create something beautiful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the left side of the slash to the right side of the slash, every person brought something special to the evening. Every person played a role in creating the experience, and every person did so with grace, courage, and elegance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What began as an educational experience became something far more meaningful: a room full of people who arrived as strangers and left as friends, carrying with them new skills, greater confidence, deeper connections, and memories that will remain long after the final course was served.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When people ask me what High Protocol means, this is my answer. It isn’t found in the silverware, the service sequence, or the perfectly folded napkin. It’s found in the people, the relationships they build, and the confidence they discover within themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Coming Next:  Behind the Curtain Part 7: After the Last Guest Leaves.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

While the guests may have gone home and the candles have burned low, the work is far from over. The tables must be cleared, supplies packed away, follow-up emails sent, surveys reviewed, and lessons learned documented. We’ll take a look at the cleanup, the financial realities behind the event, what worked, what didn’t, and how each experience helps shape the next one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because the final guest leaving isn’t the end of the story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s often the beginning of the next one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bring a Little Xanadu Into Your Life<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Join my email list for updates on my upcoming memoir, Becoming Xanadu<\/em>, and receive my free guide, The Xanadu Touch: Five Simple Ways to Make Someone Feel Special.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sign up here<\/a>, check your inbox for a confirmation email, and click the link. You\u2019ll go straight to your free guide.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Act I: Arrival and Set-up The day before the event has finally arrived. I have spent most of the week printing workbooks. Each workbook is about 45 pages long, so I know I’ve printed well over 500 pages this week between the workbooks, individual menu cards for each place setting, place cards, detailed schedules […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-234","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hight-protocol"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=234"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":281,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234\/revisions\/281"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=234"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=234"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=234"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}