{"id":207,"date":"2026-07-08T17:46:16","date_gmt":"2026-07-08T23:46:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/?p=207"},"modified":"2026-10-21T17:04:14","modified_gmt":"2026-10-21T23:04:14","slug":"behind-the-curtain-part-3-designing-the-guest-experience","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/hight-protocol\/behind-the-curtain-part-3-designing-the-guest-experience\/","title":{"rendered":"Behind the Curtain Part 3: Designing The Guest Experience"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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<\/a><\/a><\/a>Part 3: Designing The Guest Experience<\/a><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Designing the guest experience begins the moment I choose a theme. Every decision that follows, from the invitations to the final candle on the table, flows from that initial choice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Almost every event we host has a theme. Sometimes the theme is elaborate, like A Starry Night in Paris or Frozen Elegance<\/em>. Other times, the event itself is the theme. Not every High Protocol gathering requires me to reinvent the wheel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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(Photo from our Frozen Elegance Event)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, our High Protocol Afternoon Teas follow a consistent format. Because of that, I can reuse much of the same d\u00e9cor and service structure from event to event. That doesn’t mean the experience becomes repetitive. I always try to add something new or refine an existing element to make each gathering feel special.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For our teas, I send guests an educational video about two weeks before the event. For our High Protocol dinners, attendees generally have completed the one-day intensive beforehand, so a refresher video may be all that is needed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do I invest so much time into the guest experience? Because the last thing I want is for someone to arrive feeling uncomfortable, confused, or surprised by what they’re about to experience. Good etiquette has never been about memorizing rules. At its core, etiquette is about helping people feel comfortable and confident in their environment.  That\u2019s what the Orchestrated Elegance class is all about: Attending a High Protocol Event with Confidence. The key words are \u201cwith confidence.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway, once I have selected a theme, the real work begins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first step is communicating expectations clearly. I start by creating an organized event page on FetLife built around the chosen theme. For this event, that theme was A Starry Night in Paris<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fetlife Event Page<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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By this point, because of past events, I already know my projected food costs (or so I thought), along with my printing expenses, d\u00e9cor budget, alcohol budget, and other miscellaneous expenses, allowing me to establish ticket pricing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After the event is posted on FetLife and Facebook, I create the ticketing page on Forbidden Tickets and add the event to our website at XanaduReserve.com. Because this particular event is a one-day intensive, registration is open to both Xanadu Reserve members and non-members.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As people express interest in attending, I send them a registration form or direct them to the form on our website. Most people expect questions about dietary restrictions. What they don’t expect is being asked whether they are right-handed or left-handed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why does that matter?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because it affects seating arrangements and service flow. Small details like that contribute to the overall guest experience. Remember, you’re not simply creating a dinner. You’re creating an experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another mistake many hosts make is assuming guests know how to dress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Never assume.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be specific.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We have different dress codes depending on whether an event is being held in a kink venue or a traditional venue. For Xanadu Reserve dinners, I typically use “Black Tie Optional” rather than “Black Tie.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because not everyone owns a tuxedo, and I want guests to feel welcome while still maintaining the level of elegance we are seeking to create. For our cocktail parties, the dress code is business casual or cocktail attire, although I encourage the gentlemen to wear a sports coat.  For our Afternoon Tea, the dress code may be Garden Elegance depending on the time of year. One thing I always make crystal clear regarding dress code is that my dress code never, and I mean never, overrides the requirements of a Leather Family or a person\u2019s dress code for comfort or medical reasons.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then there are accessibility considerations. Does someone need a chair with arms? Do they use a wheelchair? Would being seated closer to the restroom make the evening more comfortable for them? These are the kinds of things I try to learn ahead of time because I want every guest to feel welcome and cared for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These details matter, and the only way to accommodate them properly is to gather that information beforehand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The more you know about your guests, the better you can design an experience that makes them feel valued and cared for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then comes the week before the event.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is when the printing begins, the final details are settled, and I create what might be the most important document of all: the packing list.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most of our events are not held in our home. We travel to venues, conference centers, clubs, and other people’s intensives. If an item is forgotten, there is often no easy way to replace it at the last minute. Imagine arriving to host an Afternoon Tea for a collaring ceremony reception and realizing you’ve forgotten the clotted cream. One small oversight can affect the entire experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every fork, candle, centerpiece, charger, napkin ring, and place card holder must be accounted for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A simple High Protocol dinner can require dozens upon dozens of individual items.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The guest may only see a beautiful table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I see the three pages of inventory sheets required to make that table appear effortless. If guests notice the planning, I’ve probably missed something. My goal is for them to notice only the experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that is exactly the point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the guest experience is designed well, the work disappears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guests simply arrive, relax, and are ready to enjoy the magic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stay Tuned for Part 4 \u2013 Building the Program<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Part 4, we’ll continue our journey Behind the Curtain as we build the actual program. I’ll share how we develop curriculum, create service practicums, and prepare attendees for the confidence they’ll need long before dinner is ever served.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you enjoy it, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Your feedback and conversations are one of my favorite parts of writing this series.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bring a Little Xanadu Into Your Life<\/strong>
If you enjoy going behind the curtain with me, join my email list for updates on my memoir, Becoming Xanadu<\/em>, and receive my free guide, The Xanadu Touch: Five Simple Ways to Make Someone Feel Special.<\/strong>
\ud83d\udc49 Sign up here<\/a>
After you sign up, check your inbox and click the confirmation link. You\u2019ll go straight to your free guide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Bring a Little Xanadu Into Your Life<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Join my email list for updates on my upcoming memoir, Becoming Xanadu<\/em>, and receive my free guide, The Xanadu Touch: Five Simple Ways to Make Someone Feel Special.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sign up here<\/a>, check your inbox for a confirmation email, and click the link. You\u2019ll go straight to your free guide.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Part 3: Designing The Guest Experience Designing the guest experience begins the moment I choose a theme. Every decision that follows, from the invitations to the final candle on the table, flows from that initial choice. Almost every event we host has a theme. Sometimes the theme is elaborate, like A Starry Night in Paris or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-207","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-hight-protocol"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/207","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=207"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/207\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":284,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/207\/revisions\/284"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=207"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=207"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xanadukink.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=207"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}