Part 2: Budgeting and Feasibility
Budgeting is one of those words I have never particularly enjoyed. As you will see from this summer’s event, I did not do a very good job of it either.
The moment I realized how far over budget I was, my stomach dropped.
I had already committed to the venue.
The chef had already begun planning.
The menus were already being designed.
There was no turning back.
Suddenly, the budget was no longer a spreadsheet. It was real money attached to real commitments, and every decision I had already made carried a cost.
I chose to use A Starry Night in Paris as my example because it shows just how difficult it can be to stay on budget when planning a High Protocol event. It also highlights how easily costs can spiral as you add one more detail here, one more enhancement there, all in the pursuit of creating something truly memorable for your guests.
I am also incredibly fortunate to have Knight of Xanadu beside me. Even when my vision grows larger than the budget, he continues to believe in what we are trying to build. That support has made many of these experiences possible.
For this particular event, I went far beyond the budget. I didn’t just miss it – I blew past it.
Part of the reason was that we didn’t sell out, the first time that had ever happened. Another factor was that I gave away three seats and then added two more for Knight of Xanadu and myself. When you’re working with a small event, every seat matters.
Whenever we host an event, we intentionally go above and beyond to create an experience our guests will remember for years to come, whether we sell out or not. Our goal has always been for guests to leave feeling they have been part of something truly special.
We also make it a point to attend other people’s High Protocol events whenever possible. Doing so allows us to learn, observe, and continue refining our own offerings. We pay attention to what works well, what creates memorable moments, and what we might do differently in our own events. The learning never stops.
What I have discovered over the years is that there is a genuine need for High Protocol events within the kink/leather community, particularly among those who live in 24/7 dynamics or participate in Leather families and structured power exchange relationships. I have also realized how proud I am of the events we create.
Normally, our events run somewhere between $60 and $300 over budget. That is fairly typical when you are trying to create an elevated experience. This event, however, was excessive. It was probably the most over budget we have ever been.
For us, these events have never been about making money, but breaking even would be nice. They have always been about serving the community and preserving the beauty of High Protocol experiences. We believe there is something truly special about creating a space where people can disconnect from the outside world, immerse themselves in intentionality, and experience genuine connection with others.
That doesn’t mean budgets aren’t important—they absolutely are. Every event has to be financially responsible if we hope to continue offering them. But whenever we are faced with a choice between simply hosting an event and creating an unforgettable experience, our hearts will always lean toward the experience.
And that leads to an important reality: one of the reasons you do not see many people offering High Protocol events is because they can be expensive. They do not have to be expensive, but they certainly can be. The choices you make regarding food, décor, training materials, and guest experience all have a direct impact on the final cost.
To put all of this into perspective, here’s a simplified look at the budget for A Starry Night in Paris.
| Food | Per person | Total | |
| Lunch | Sandwich | $9.00 x 12 | $108.00 |
| Side Dish (FF or Salad) | $5.00 x 12 | $60.00 | |
| Drink (Soda) | $3.00 x 12 | $36.00 | |
| Dinner | Hors d’oeuvres | $8.00 x 6 | $48.00 |
| 6-Course Meal | $100 x 12 | $1200.00 | |
| Apéritif (House Drink) | $10.00 x 6 | $60.00 | |
| White Wine Bottle | $20.00 | ||
| Red Wine Bottle | $20.00 | ||
| Dessert Wine | $20.00 | ||
| Drinks for subs for Dinner | $3.00 x 6 | $18.00 | |
| Total Before Tip | $1590.00 | ||
| Gratuity for Chef Staff and Drew | $ 300.00 | ||
Estimated Cost | $1890.00 | ||
| 6/13/26 | Actual Cost | $1979.74 |
| Decor | Cost per Item | Total | |
| Amazon | Eiffel Tower Napkin Rings | $19.18 | |
| Star Votive | $21.84 | ||
| Table Runner | $6.99 | ||
| Eiffel Tower Centerpieces | $39.99 | $73.78 | |
| Eiffel Tower Backdrop | $19.99 | ||
| Star Lights for Ceiling | $17.99 | $ 40.41 | |
| Sequin Tablecloth | $39.99 | $ 42.53 | |
| Sparkle Homes | Gold Square | $100.00 | |
| Crate & Barrel | Dessert Forks | $9.00 x 8 | $76.41 |
| Total |
| Printing | Per Person | Total |
| Workbooks | $10.00 | $100.00 |
| Place cards | $1.00 | $10.00 |
| Menus | $1.00 | $10.00 |
| Total | $120.00 |
| Total Cost | $2334.72 |
| Bring In | -1191.26 |
| Over Budget | $1143.46 |
And this does not include many of the hidden costs that those hosting the event often absorb: planning hours, travel, storage bins, replacement supplies, setup time, cleanup time, registration management, website fees, and all of the little details that guests never see.
Not my proudest moment. The numbers tell the story far better than I ever could, and as you can see, the costs add up quickly.
It started with the tablescape. Once I settled on the theme, I began ordering décor and refining my vision.
Then came the menu. Working with the chef, we built an experience that reflected the feeling we wanted guests to have.
Looking back, none of those decisions seemed unreasonable on their own. Together, however, they created a budget far larger than I originally intended.
When people attend a High Protocol event, they experience the finished production. What they rarely see is the spreadsheet behind the magic or the difficult decisions hidden within it.
The reality is that every charger plate, every folded napkin, every workbook, every menu, and every carefully orchestrated moment represents a choice. Those choices cost money, but they are also what transform a gathering into an experience.
Looking back, I don’t regret creating the experience. I do, however, recognize that I need to become a better steward of our resources. Excellence and financial responsibility are not opposing goals. In the future, my challenge will be finding ways to preserve the magic while making decisions that allow us to continue offering these experiences for years to come.
In Part 3, we’ll step even further behind the curtain and talk about designing the guest experience, from invitations and dress codes to the packing list that makes it all possible.
If you made it to the end of Part 2, please leave a comment and let me know. Writing is often a conversation rather than a monologue, and I’d love to know who’s reading and following along as we journey Behind the Curtain together.
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Bring a Little Xanadu Into Your Life
Join my email list for updates on my upcoming memoir, Becoming Xanadu, and receive my free guide, The Xanadu Touch: Five Simple Ways to Make Someone Feel Special.
Sign up here, check your inbox for a confirmation email, and click the link. You’ll go straight to your free guide.