Part 1: Choosing the Experience
As I write this series, I’m in the middle of preparing for our latest High Protocol event, A Starry Night in Paris. With seating charts, menus, workbooks, and timelines spread across my desk, it seemed like the perfect time to pull back the curtain and share what really goes into creating these experiences.
Have you ever wondered what goes into planning a High Protocol event? From the outside, guests often see the elegance, ceremony, and seamless execution. What they don’t see are the countless decisions, hours of preparation, and careful attention to detail that go into it long before the first guest arrives.
Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of helping create everything from intimate Afternoon Teas at both kink and vanilla venues to elaborate High Protocol Dinners and immersive educational intensives. Each event begins the same way, with a simple question: What experience do I want our guests to have when they walk through the door?
For me, planning has never been about simply organizing a gathering. It is about creating moments. Moments of connection, learning, service, elegance, and sometimes even transformation. Long before a menu is selected or a table is set, I spend time imagining what I want people to feel, remember, and talk about long after the event is over.
That’s why the first question I ask myself is never, “What should I serve?” or “Where should I hold the event?”
The first question is always:
What experience do I want people to have?
Most events don’t start with a spreadsheet.
They start with a question.
“Wouldn’t it be amazing if…”
I still remember exactly where I was when the idea for A Starry Night in Paris first appeared.
It didn’t begin with a budget, a menu, or a venue.
Knight of Xanadu and I were having dinner under the stars in the Caribbean. As we sat there talking about life, I couldn’t stop staring at the night sky. For some reason, my mind kept drifting to Vincent Van Gogh’s Starry Night.
I remember thinking how beautiful it would be to capture that feeling and bring it home with us. Not the painting itself, but the wonder of it. The feeling of sitting beneath a sky full of stars, sharing a meal, slowing down, and being fully present in the moment.
Long before there was a venue, a menu, or even a date on the calendar, there was simply a vision.
I wanted to create an experience that felt like dining inside a Starry Night painting.
I wanted guests to walk into a room and feel as though they had stepped into another world for a few hours.
I imagined candlelight.
I imagined stars dancing across the ceiling.
I imagined a Van Gogh painting.
I imagined elegant service, beautiful food, and a room where people could forget about work, bills, and everyday responsibilities and simply be present with one another.
Perhaps you envision creating:
- A High Protocol Dinner
- A High Protocol Afternoon Tea
- A High Protocol Brunch
- A High Protocol Soirée
- A High Protocol Cocktail Party
- A High Protocol Luncheon
- A High Protocol Tasting Menu Experience
- A High Protocol Wine & Service Pairing
- A High Protocol Rose Ceremony & Reception
- A High Protocol Holiday-Themed Event
Or perhaps you prefer to think of events by their purpose:
Educational Events
- Intensives
- Workshops
- Practicums
- Retreats
Social Events
- Afternoon Teas
- Brunches
- Cocktail Parties
- Soirées
- Munches
Ceremonial Events
- Collaring Ceremony
- Rose Ceremony
- Investitures
- Formal Banquets
And honestly, the list could go on for pages.
Once you’ve settled on the type of event you want to create, the next step is determining when and where it will take place. When deciding on the venue, it is important to have a contingency plan, especially if part of your event will take place outdoors. Unfortunately, we cannot predict the weather three to six months in advance.
If you are planning a lovely garden Afternoon Tea, for example, make sure you have a backup plan because the weather is one detail completely outside your control.
When we hosted our Royal Afternoon Tea a few months ago, I originally envisioned it taking place outside under a pavilion overlooking the golf course. The day of the event, however, we were informed that the pavilion would not be available. Suddenly, we needed to adapt.
I still wanted guests to enjoy the beautiful view, so we adjusted our plans and had additional umbrellas brought in to create shade and keep everyone comfortable. Had it rained, we were prepared to move everything indoors. Thankfully, the weather cooperated, a gentle breeze appeared, and everything worked out beautifully.
The event type often helps determine timing as well. A High Protocol Dinner for us may begin at 5:30 or 6:00 p.m., while a High Protocol Afternoon Tea might start between 1:00 and 3:00 p.m. The duration, flow, and overall schedule all stem from the experience you are trying to create.
Only after those foundational decisions are made can you begin building the event itself. Will it be a private gathering by invitation only? A community event open to registration? A members-only experience? Or perhaps an educational intensive designed to attract and educate new participants?
These decisions matter because High Protocol events are rarely simple gatherings. They require thoughtful planning, venue coordination, menu development, staffing, training, materials, décor, registration systems, and a budget that supports the experience you wish to deliver.
For example, when Knight of Xanadu and I host a one-day High Protocol Intensive, we are not simply planning a dinner. We are creating an entire immersive experience. Months before guests arrive, we are developing presentations, printing workbooks, coordinating service practicums, planning meal service, arranging décor, training staff, and refining countless details. Every element is intentionally designed to support the atmosphere, structure, and sense of occasion we want our guests to experience.
Now that we’ve chosen the type of event and established its purpose, it’s time to talk about one of the least glamorous—but most important—aspects of planning: the budget.
Many people see the finished event and assume the cost is simply the venue and the food. In reality, there are dozens of expenses to consider, from printed materials and décor to staffing, registration systems, service ware, gratuities, and countless small details that transform a gathering into an experience.
Photos From Our Dinner in the Caribbean
Coming Next: Part 2 – Budgeting the Vision
As I sit here looking at spreadsheets, receipts, contracts, and invoices for A Starry Night in Paris, I can tell you that choosing the experience is the fun part. Paying for it is something else entirely.
In Part 2, I’ll take you behind the curtain of our latest event and explore what it really costs to create a High Protocol experience. From venue fees and décor to printing, food service, and the unexpected expenses that inevitably arise, we’ll look at how thoughtful budgeting helps transform a vision into an unforgettable event.
Join me as we continue this journey behind the curtain and discover why every successful event begins with a plan that balances creativity, practicality, and purpose.
If you made it to the end of Part 1, please leave a comment and let me know. Writing is often a conversation rather than a monologue, and I’d love to know who’s reading and following along as we journey Behind the Curtain together.
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Bring a Little Xanadu Into Your Life
Join my email list for updates on my upcoming memoir, Becoming Xanadu, and receive my free guide, The Xanadu Touch: Five Simple Ways to Make Someone Feel Special.
Sign up here, check your inbox for a confirmation email, and click the link. You’ll go straight to your free guide.